One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I love you. Go after that dick
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
