Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
