What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
