I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
