I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
