I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
