Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
