your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
