oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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