Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
