she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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