...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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