i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
