This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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