I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
