The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
