We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
