that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
