im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
