So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Acid is not a monday night drug
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
