I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
