can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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