Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
