you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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