I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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