BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
