i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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