When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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