Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
