suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
nutella sex= disaster
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
