omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
