Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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