Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
