I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
