A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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