There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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