Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
