We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We are two peas in an std pod
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
