FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
