We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
