Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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