haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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