I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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