ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
