dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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