I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
