There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
