..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
