Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize