I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
did i walk over a car last night?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
