If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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