I should be sponsored by Trojan
She told me I should be a condom model.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
