it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so that wasnt chicken after all
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
