i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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