he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
