she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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