I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
