I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
There are leaves in my underwear?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
