So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
