please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
