I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
