I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he fucked my hip out of place.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize