There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
