do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
