I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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