I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
