yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
