i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
