Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
