All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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