I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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