if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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