I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
