Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
