it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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