Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
